See it through my eyes

I wish I could say that I feel better but I can't. I don't feel better, at all.

I play down my symptoms to my family and friends. I don't want them to know how scared I am and how much pain I am in.

Tonight my Dad asked me to give him a passport picture so he could get my drivers license and lessons for my birthday. I had to explain to him that I can't drive at the moment and that I am not sure if I ever will be able to, due to my eyesight problems. I think he now realises how serious this issue is. I don't want to have to rely people to read things for me, I still try and read the newspaper everyday but it's hard to do with just one good eye.

The spasms are getting worse. They are now happening more frequently in my hands. It takes longer to write things on my laptop. There are always extra spaces or letters in the piece I am writing. I then have to go back and sort it out. I'm still getting the spasms in the rest of my body just as bad.

My headache is ridiculous, I feel like I'm going to be sick alot of the time. It feels like it's coming from behind my left eye. It gets worse when I move i.e leaning forward. I am constantly sleepy, which for me is very unusual as I have always had trouble getting to sleep. My mind forgets things. Today I was forgeting peoples names which made me really upset and frustrated at myself. Sometimes when I talk things don'r come out right, like using the wrong word or not making sense. I am normally really good at maths my head now struggles working simple things out.

On the upside I have an interview for college to do nursing, I really want a place on this course. I just hope I can stay calm in the interview and make sense when I am being interviewed.

On Sunday I am meeting my friends for tea and cake to celebrate my birthday, which is on Wednesday. I am really looking forward to having some nice chat. Just hope I can keep my symptoms under control.

Simple things I must remember
Must remember pain killers
Take my time while walking so not to fall
Make it off the bus in one piece
Make it up the stairs at the coffee shop in one piece
Try not to burn myself with tea again
Have a nice time
Don't let how I feel come up in conversation

My friends know that I haven't been well and they know that I have been referred to the Neurologist. They don't know the full extent of everything. Some things need to remain private so not to upset or worry anyone.

Now all I have to do is find something to wear....